Feminists Relieved #Metoo Movement Made it Safe to Prostitute Their Way to Success, Again

On Tuesday, two dozen members of the Hollywood chapter of NOW sat down with Sun Staff Reporter Kim Candoo. It seems the #MeToo movement made it tough for a while, but things are returning to better than usual.

“Don’t get me wrong,” blurted Tracy Tatonka, an experienced lesbian buffalo known for stampeding first and asking questions later. “At first, I wanted to strangle the first Star Effer I saw. Then it hit me: we all put the same ass on the line, but only one in a million of we feminists can parley a few sessions into a half-billion smackers!”

Tracy continued, “The fog of self-righteousness burned off, and we’re better than ever. Our prices are up across the board. And if we wake up on the wrong side of the bed, we can virtue-signal our way into putting out less for more smackaroos!”

The chapter told Kim that at first, the bottom fell out when guys were afraid they might get canceled. They got back with their wives and sat out a few dozen news cycles before coming back to test the waters.

“Now we’re actually glad our Star Effin’ sisters spoke up about those ass grabbin’ interviews,” added Gloria Sheinem. “People gotta know this stuff happens, ya know? Maybe now they see what a pink hat’s gotta go through to make it to $20 million a gig. And most of us never get there.”

The sentiment of the Hollywood chapter seemed to be that #MeToo was inevitable. But the high-end pinks got their payout, and it’s paved the way for the rest of the hats. We’re back on the street standing on their shoulders.” added Ms. Sheinem.

Asked about the future, Ms. Sheinem made a few predictions. “I think you’re going to start seeing more iron-clad NDA’s at the higher levels. That takes it from a no-go to a quick signature and price adjustment…in the northern direction.”

And what about their feminist beliefs?

Ms. Sheinem concluded, “Look, feminism is just the advocacy of women’s rights based on equality of the sexes. And, we all know that good lookin’ chicks get to skip a few rungs on the ladder. But with #MeToo, people know there’s a shovel of shite baked into the equality we’ve always taken for granted. So why not keep all the sexes happy, start closing the wage-gap, and move forward on a M$Too basis?!”