In a twist to fill the American belly and lessen their workload, the FBI made a major announcement today. The FBI will now deliver a free large pizza to anyone who calls the 4S hotline and hangs up without saying anything. The Sun spoke with FBI agent Wayne Tarrance.
“Look, that whole ‘See Something, Say Something’ thing was DHS, not FBI. But ever since Janet Napolitano ran her mouth about it, our phones have been ringing off the hook. People think it was an FBI campaign, but we really could not care less about federal crimes.”
“Solving federal crimes is not what we’re about. The FBI’s main focus now is on deploying our knowledge base to churn up political unrest. We answer to whoever promises to keep us in existence and pay out our pensions during the upcoming Great Reset.”
How can the average American help?
“What we need are lots of knee pads. Knee pads help us protect Khaki pants and suits when we have to kneel. Between spying on Americans and kneeling before the appropriate local thugs, we seem to be on our knees longer every day.”
