Our audience doesn’t think pussy hats or museum tours are scary. When Jamie compared our new Halloween movie trilogy to them, she lost millions of potential ticket sales. Who wants to see Mike Myers, the pinnacle of evil, wearing a pink beanie?
‘Scary’ like a Museum Tour
We took a poll of teenagers and asked them what they thought of the events of January 6th at the Capitol. Half of them think it was a party, and the other half think it was a museum tour. They saw the videos and laughed when we asked them if it was scary. On the other hand, many of them were petrified about what happened on November 3rth at 4 a.m. when the fake ballot trucks rolled in.
Our audience wants to keep a little fright in their night of terror. We spent a lot of money making a horror film to scare the jeans off millions of teenagers. Next thing we know, Jamie’s free-associating her therapy sessions in publicity interviews about the movie. We thought Jamie was glad the MeToo movement made it safe for feminists to prostitute their way to success, again.
Say it to Your Therapist.
We respect Jamie’s neurosis and understand she’s going through something personal that makes her view these events as scary. But if she could keep it between herself and her therapist, maybe we can break even on the films. We haven’t even made back Jamie’s salary yet.
Get Woke, Go Broke — After Halloween
When Jamie gives these interviews and starts comparing her leftist delusions with our movies’ scariness, it sticks a pin in the ballon. These movies are expensive to make, and we can’t afford to get woke and go broke on them.
Let’s keep the boo in the witch’s brew without the blue from the shrew.
